I have never met any one who enjoys feeling lonely. Even people who are more introverted seem to like being around “familiar” people.
People can go to extreme lengths to avoid feeling lonely. Humans are wired for connection, and when that need is not met, it can feel overwhelmingly sad and alone.
There is often an expectation that when you are in a partnered relationship, the feelings of being lonely and the fear of being lonely will disappear. Poof! You’ll never feel sad or alone again, and will always feel close and understood with your partner.
Unfortunately, that is not what ends up happening. Oftentimes, people find themselves feeling alone even when sitting right next to their partner.
As we have discussed in this blog before, “perfect relationships” and the Hollywood cliché of Prince Charming simply do not exist in real life.
It can be a jarring moment when they realize that even though they love and care for the person they are with, they still fee lonely.
It can be a scary thought, and people can worry that it means something is wrong in the relationship. “This wasn’t supposed to happen.”
In fact, it can almost make the lonely feelings worse, because after all, isn’t your partner supposed to make you feel understood? Isn’t this the one place where loneliness cannot get to you?
The simple answer is no. Your partner will not take away the feeling of loneliness, just by existing. Feeling close to another person is the result of intentional actions, through which you deepen your bond and communication skills.
Feeling connected stems from feeling truly seen and heard by your partner. The good news, is those are skills you can learn and improve over time.
Feeling lonely does not mean that the relationship is doomed, it just means it needs some attention.
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