Both men and women deal with sexual dysfunction. More than half of all people will face some form of sexual dysfunction over their lifetime.
The chances are your relationship is going to encounter the challenge of sexual dysfunction.
Common sexual dysfunctions include:
- sexual pain
- ejaculation problems
- erectile dysfunction
- not achieving orgasm
Even when things are physically working for both you and your partner, desire can become a challenge. Low sexual desire is a common issue that can cause distress and conflict in relationships.
It is rare that two people will have matching levels of desire. When you want to have sex, your partner may not want it even with a healthy libido. Folks choose to not address these issues far too often. They seek to accept them and move on.
A sexual relationship is important for most couples but not for all. Some couples are content with their sexual relationship despite elements of dysfunction or discrepancies in desire. If the issues are not causing relationship distress, and are not distressing to you as an individual, it does not necessarily have to be addressed.
If, however, you or your partner are distressed, hurt or frustrated, and are not speaking up, this can cause long term difficulties for your relationship.
One of the most difficult things for couples to do is to talk about sex. It is a vulnerable topic. Even couples with excellent communication and a stable, connected relationship can struggle with this sensitive area.
The stakes can feel very high with neither person wanting to offend the other or experience rejection. It’s no wonder so many people choose to not bring this up.
TALKING ABOUT SEX
As the old saying goes, “Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill”. Many sexual dysfunctions are manageable and resolvable. The earlier you address these issues the less impactful they will be. In many instances, couples ignore these problems only to find they have caused a significantly greater problem in the relationship and the dysfunction has gotten worse.
Your partner can be pivotal in supporting you through the process of addressing sexual dysfunction.
It is common that a partner wants to be helpful but is afraid of trying out of fear of causing unwanted pain and embarrassment. Likewise, if your partner is struggling with sexual dysfunction, letting them know you are in their corner can be a helpful step in the process.
Performance anxiety gets worse when no one is talking. A lot of sexual dysfunction is caused by (or at least maintained by) performance anxiety. Silence and the unknown cause anxiety to grow and expand unchecked.
People assume the worst and arrive at far reaching conclusions including fears that their partner will leave if things do not improve immediately. Not talking about an issue leads to mind reading, reactivity, embarrassment, and shame.
It is far more likely that you will feel relieved by talking with your partner and will be able to make headway on improving the issue.
READY FOR THE NEXT STEPS?
The Center for Intimacy, Connection and Change helps you establish the connected relationships that you deserve. To schedule a free couples counseling consult, email mark@centericc.com or schedule a time with us by clicking here.
