Asexuality, defined as the absence of sexual attraction to others, has gained increasing visibility and understanding in recent years. Yet for individuals who identify as asexual, or those exploring their sexual identity, one common question often arises, “Should I accept my asexuality or work on changing it?” This question involves both personal introspection and societal influences, and the answer is not always straightforward. In this article, we’ll examine what causes a person to be asexual, address common misconceptions such as whether asexuality is classified as a disorder, and explore how individuals can make informed choices about self-acceptance and personal growth.
Table of Contents
Understanding Asexuality: What Causes a Person to Be Asexual?
Asexuality is a sexual orientation characterized by little or no sexual attraction to others. While people often wonder what causes a person to be asexual, research suggests that sexual orientation, including asexuality, is likely influenced by a complex interplay of biological, psychological, and environmental factors. Just as we see with heterosexuality, homosexuality, and bisexuality, there isn’t a single cause for a person to identify as asexual. It is not the result of trauma, illness, or lack of opportunity for romantic engagement.
There is no definitive scientific answer to why some individuals are asexual. Asexuality is recognized as a legitimate sexual orientation rather than a condition to be “fixed.” Some people are asexual from a young age, while others might realize their asexual identity later in life. For some, their lack of sexual attraction is consistent throughout their lives, while others may experience shifts in their feelings, identifying somewhere on the asexual spectrum, such as graysexuality or demisexuality.
Is Asexuality Classified as a Disorder?
A misguided question that often arises when discussing sexual orientations outside of the heterosexual norm is whether they are considered disorders. Like other sexual orientations, asexuality is not classified as a disorder. It is a natural variation in human sexuality and is recognized as a valid sexual orientation.
While classified as a non pathologic sexual orientation, people who identify as asexual may experience individual and relational distress stemming from this orientation.
Some people may confuse asexuality with medical or psychological conditions that can reduce sexual desire or function, such as hormonal imbalances or sexual dysfunction. However, asexuality is not the result of a physical or psychological ailment. It is important to differentiate between asexuality, which is a stable orientation, and conditions like low libido or sexual aversion, which can result from stress, trauma, or medical issues. Attempting to treat asexuality as a disorder can cause emotional harm, reinforcing the notion that asexual individuals are somehow broken or in need of fixing.
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) specifically distinguishes between asexuality and sexual dysfunction, making it clear that asexuality is not a medical issue. Thus, those who identify as asexual should not feel pressured to “work on” changing their orientation, as it is simply a part of who they are.
The Path of Self-Acceptance: Embracing Asexuality
For many people who identify as asexual, self-acceptance is an empowering and liberating process. It involves recognizing that asexuality is a valid identity and that sexual attraction is not a necessary component for leading a fulfilled and meaningful life. Accepting asexuality allows individuals to define what love, intimacy, and connection mean on their own terms, free from societal pressure.
Redefining Relationships
One of the key elements of accepting asexuality is redefining the nature of relationships and intimacy. While society often emphasizes sexual attraction as central to romantic relationships, asexual individuals can still have fulfilling romantic or emotional relationships without sexual engagement. Emotional intimacy, companionship, and deep connection can be the cornerstones of these relationships.
For those who experience romantic attraction but not sexual desire, sometimes referred to as romantic asexuals, building relationships based on shared values, emotional closeness, and mutual respect can be just as fulfilling as sexual relationships. Even for aromantic asexual individuals—those who do not experience romantic attraction—strong platonic relationships and community bonds can provide deep meaning and connection.
The Psychological Benefits of Acceptance
Psychologically, accepting one’s asexuality can bring about immense relief and emotional stability. Often, people who struggle with their asexuality feel societal pressure to conform to sexual expectations, leading to stress, anxiety, or self-doubt. By embracing their asexual identity, individuals can release these burdens and focus on living authentically. This sense of self-acceptance fosters better mental health, improves self-esteem, and enhances overall well-being.
Exploring Change: Should Asexuality Be “Worked On”?
Despite the benefits of self-acceptance, some individuals may feel conflicted about their asexuality. They may wonder if they should try to “work on” their lack of sexual attraction in order to fit societal norms or satisfy the desires of romantic partners. This desire to change may stem from internal or external pressures to conform to traditional ideas about relationships and sexuality.
However, it’s essential to remember that asexuality is not something that can or should be “fixed.” Just as someone who is heterosexual cannot “work on” becoming homosexual (or vice versa), an asexual person cannot simply will themselves into sexual attraction. Trying to change one’s sexual orientation can lead to emotional harm, frustration, and further feelings of inadequacy.
Is Exploration Helpful?
That said, some asexual individuals might wish to explore their feelings further. For example, those who identify as graysexual or demisexual may find that they do experience sexual attraction in specific situations or with a deep emotional bond. In these cases, exploration of relationships and intimacy may lead to personal growth and self-discovery.
This type of exploration does not mean attempting to change one’s orientation, but rather deepening one’s understanding of their unique experiences. For some, this might involve therapy, especially if they feel conflicted about their sexual orientation. It’s crucial to work with a therapist who is sex-positive and familiar with asexuality to avoid reinforcing negative stereotypes or pressuring individuals to change.
Navigating Relationships as an Asexual Individual
A major concern for those who identify as asexual is how their orientation may impact their relationships. While some asexual individuals choose not to pursue romantic relationships, many do desire companionship and emotional intimacy. For those in relationships with non-asexual partners, communication is critical.
The Importance of Open Communication
In relationships where sexual desires differ, clear communication is key. Some asexual individuals may be open to engaging in sexual activity to meet a partner’s needs, even if they do not experience sexual attraction themselves. This is a personal decision that must be made with mutual understanding and consent, ensuring that neither partner feels pressured.
Couples who face differences in sexual desire may benefit from therapy or counseling, where they can work on balancing their emotional and physical needs. The goal is to focus on the unique bond between partners, rather than conforming to societal norms around sexual expectations.
Choosing the Right Path: Acceptance or Exploration?
Ultimately, whether a person should accept their asexuality or work on exploring their feelings further is a deeply personal decision. There is no one-size-fits-all answer, and each individual must consider their emotional, psychological, and relational needs.
Acceptance: For many, accepting asexuality is an empowering choice. It leads to greater self-awareness, mental clarity, and a life aligned with one’s true identity. Through acceptance, individuals can foster meaningful relationships and live authentically, without the pressure to conform to societal norms.
Exploration: For others, exploring their feelings more deeply can be an important part of self-discovery. However, this exploration should be about better understanding one’s identity—not about changing it. If an individual is unsure whether their lack of sexual desire is tied to trauma, medical conditions, or psychological factors, therapy can provide insight and clarity.
Related Article: The Difference Between Asexuality and Low Libido
Conclusion: Honoring the Diversity of Human Sexuality
In conclusion, whether a person should accept or “work on” their asexuality is a personal journey that depends on individual circumstances. It’s important to remember that asexuality is not classified as a disorder and does not need to be changed. It’s a valid sexual orientation that deserves respect and understanding. By choosing acceptance or mindful exploration, individuals can live authentically and build fulfilling lives that honor their unique experiences, whether or not sexual attraction is part of the equation.
