Divorce is common in our society. More relationships are ending in divorce than ever before as the stigma surrounding it lessens.
There are many reasons relationships and marriages don’t work out, including infidelity, life transitions, diverging life goals and distance.
Many relationships struggle for years with both partners feeling disconnected. There are few things more painful than feeling alone when with your spouse or partner.
THE DIVORCE PROCESS
Divorce is different for every couple. Many couples want to end the relationship in its entirety only to discover it is far more complex than signing some documents and parting ways.
We invest a lot into our relationships, many memories and an amalgam of feelings. For many divorcing couples there are bonds that keep them connected long after they are living apart.
The divorce process should address these bonds as well.
MOURNING THE LOSS
Regardless of whether you or your partner were the catalyst to ending the marriage, it hurts.
If you are the partner requesting the marriage’s end, it can be difficult to cause pain and hard to experience feelings of loneliness, guilt, and responsibility.
If your partner has pushed for a divorce, feelings of rejection, frustration and helplessness can emerge. This is especially true if you feel they have not given the relationship a fair chance.
It is important to give yourself time and space to process these feelings. In response to these unprocessed feelings, some divorcing people make rash decisions that they later regret.
KEEPING IT CIVIL
One of the most challenging aspects of divorce is trying to keep dialogue civil and productive. It is hard to keep feelings in check and many people struggle to not be vindictive during the process.
It is important to remember that when the dust settles, and there is an agreement, you will likely have to continue interacting and engaging with your former spouse.
How you act during this process can set the tone and determine the level of cooperation and support that you will give and receive for years to come.
PARENTING
For couples who have children, the parenting relationship will continue in perpetuity. With younger children, co-parenting and custody arrangements can be extremely time consuming and necessitate ongoing communication.
As children grow up and launch into adulthood, financial support can become a point of contention as well. Even when adult children gain independence, splitting time between divorced parents for holidays and special occasions can create tension and conflict.
NEW HORIZONS
Divorce can be an extremely difficult and painful process. It is not a recommended path if it can be avoided.
You should try to do what you can to repair your relationship. However, these efforts are not always effective. For those who experience the loss of a relationship there are opportunities for growth and improved quality of life in the long run.
Everyone deserves meaningful connection. Divorce may be the transition that allows both you and your ex-partner to find the connection you both want.
How you and your former spouse navigate the divorce process both individually and together can make a big difference in levels of distress, conflict and the future direction for both of you.
READY TO MAKE A CHANGE?
The Center for Intimacy, Connection and Change helps you establish the wellness, connected relationships and trust you deserve. To schedule a free consult, email mark@centericc.com or schedule a time with us by clicking here.
